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NW 2004
Monday, September 13, 2004
I'm back from the Northwoods trip with a new joy.
The night of September 4, a Saturday, we all gathered around a nice campfire by the lake to sing hymns, hear testimonies and stories, and make s'mores. You have to understand how depressing this is to someone who's in the wrong mood. You would have found me sitting there alone in the darkness, looking cold and tired, endlessly thirsty, and most of all, loathe to join in the... festivities (who knew that marshmallow burning could get so lively?).
Yes, I was quite in a different place; adrift, you could say, in the sea of my own mind. I was thinking about those testimonies; wishing, I guess, for more of the faith I saw in those shining faces.
I think I had thought so much about wanting more "faith" that I had lost sight of what life was really about. Through what happened next, I came to be reminded that life is in one's connection to God and the exchange that comes out of it. Faith is a byproduct of this connection, not something that one can achieve.
My friend Stephanie saw me sitting there and came over to talk. To tell her that everything was fine would have been a ridiculous lie, so I kinda leaked out some of what I felt at the moment. After spilling out basically everything, she asked, "Victoria, when did you ask God to come into your life?"
I didn't know. I was probably three, and I probably didn't know what I was doing. It was the years after that in which I truly realized what it meant to be a Christian. Stephanie began to share about her own life, and eventually came down to the importance of having a specific day to which one can look at, by which one can be sure of her salvation. She suggested that I have this.
So right then, we moved from the crowd to the vacant gazebo by the lake, and I renewed my relationship with God. There, I was able to really refocus on that vital connection that was so often overlooked in my life. "You're only as real as your fellowship with God," I'd heard over and over, cringing every time I'd heard it, because I felt so guilty. But at that moment, it was like some heaviness had been lifted, and I realized the truth in what my suitemate Jenny had told me earlier: "At least you can change that."
I CAN CHANGE THAT! One of the first things I noticed was that I didn't dread the future anymore. I felt at peace about my age, and where I was going. Why I had for such a long time clung onto these feelings of hopelessness and uncertainty, I'm not sure, but in that gazebo I was really able to let them go. There was just no reason to have them. And then I changed my situation. I decided that I was going to put more into my time with God, starting that night.
O_O... I've gotten so many insights since then! Beginning with the Bible passage I read that night—Jeremiah 31:
The people which were left of the sword [survived] found grace in the wilderness; even Israel, when I went to cause him to rest. The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Again I will build thee, and thou shalt be built, O virgin of Israel: thou shalt again be adorned with thy tabrets, and shalt go forth in the dances of them that make merry.It's so good to get rebuilt. And to be able to join the party again.
As for pictures! and the rest of the trip! It takes eight hours to get to Michigan from here, and both ways I rode with John, which made for some rather good conversation. We did a few really cool random stops when something along the road was intriguing enough to merit it... and yes, we did get cheese at one of those Wisconsin cheese shops on the way back xD;; yay.
One afternoon during the retreat, I felt particularly hyper with nothing to do so I hung around the foosball table and challenged just about every person who happened to walked by to a game (yuah I know XD). It was a really dead table, the kind that's missing three players, needs a shake after every few goals, has loose rods and causes way too many fooses. All the same, it could display skill level rather well and I started getting that competitive rush again, especially with four or five of the people I played. Like the Bournes! Gahhh ^_^! Somewhere into the day, Daniel B and Brian H got some nails and WD-40 to sort-of fix the table, and it got even better. Hehe... there are some serious rematches that need to be done sometime...
Other cool things that weekend would include getting to watch the Passion of the Christ again. If any of you haven't, I really recommend it.
Now for the random pics~
Lake and gazebo in the afternoon.
Lake with the sun kinda going down.
Lake and boats—I gotta say, one of the coolest things I did at the retreat was getting out on the lake at 5:40am in a canoe with some other people to watch the sunrise. If only I could do that EVERY day ^___^...
A shot at the sun.
David drinking lemonade out of a Doritos bag.
John and his cool car that he never locks up! XO
Barak and the Hodag, a concrete monster we met while passing through Rhinelander.
A schoolhouse that was so picture-perfect, we just had to stop by and shoot it.
The Mars Cheese Castle, another sight we had to stop at. I mean, man. CHEESE CASTLE?
In case it's not clear yet, HQ = headquarters of the Institute in Basic Life Principles, a Christian organization in which I'm serving. In other HQ-related news... *fiddles with camera* Ahhhhaha~! Here's that worm cake that Jenny and I made for someone's birthday! Good times in suite 16. Meh. I miss Stephanie! Jeanette is gone too. (Both of them were staying in our suite.) That's the thing about working here, many of the people you meet don't stay very long and you end up saying a lot of goodbyes.
As for the other half of life... I went sketching at the RiverWalk with Ag and Pj yesterday (such hilariously typical pics xD). Woah, and I met a guy playing viola near the covered bridge =D; that doesn't seem to happen too often.
Ag, now that summer's gone, I hope COD goes well for you. Thanks for the last fling~ you still have to show me that drawing you were doing though ^_^! Oh yeah, gotta remember to register for voting.
Kash, cool to hear about your job... bookstores are nice. I think I've lost the program that puts pictures onto oekakibbs, sorry about that :/. Hey, blessed with friends, like you!
Weien, yaaaaaaay so good to be able to see you now. And good to hear the bulk of the jaw!
Ka-chan, the programming language was Ruby. Cool that you're learning java! And thanks... I should really draw more ^^ you too!
Pj... ha, that's right, propraming. And yeah, you should have a site for your art! It was so awesome seeing your latest drawings cuz you've improved a lot. Well, have fun with those three art classes.
Shiowei, wish I could have gone to Navy Pier and stuff with you guys! It was really good to see you too. My di di should be visiting HQ soon (in my opinion, he should stay and work for at least week or two ^_~ I mean, come on!). Miss you!
Well, this is getting too long. Cool things I'll have to blog about some other time include scripture memorization, early rising, and "fishing" (finally got my conversation with Mr. Garvin in!).
4:44 AM
Comments
Y'know, with Weien around it's hard for me to get first comments... lol
Sounds like your trip was... good, I suppose, but not my type of trip. I like little car time and lots of boat/forest time, and it sounds like you had little boat/forest time and lots of car time. But from your account it sounds like a quite enjoyable vacation.
I was a little disappointed to see the Ag pic turn out so... unidentifiable. I mean, when I see pictures of people, I like them to show me what the people look like. Not what their sketchbook looks like. Oh well.
Anyway, since that was most of your post to cover, I'm out.
Asher
Posted by Kash at September 14, 2004 8:50 AM
Ello. Good to see that you blogged... And so great to have you back and see you again and everything!
Hearing about your re-commitment was encouraging, and I wish I was there to battle it off with the foos'es... *sigh* so many memories of old... The way you said "marshmallow burning" cracked me up. Very picturesque.
Sounds like you're having a good time at HQ... but I don't know about 1-2 weeks there m'self... Perhaps we'll see by the time winter break comes by.
God bless,*Weien
Posted by Weien at September 14, 2004 12:06 PM
Victoria!!! I'M SO GLAD!! It's hard to express my thankfulness and...JOY...*Toria, there's nothing like having your faith cleared and your relationship with God SURE. I think I had that problem until I went to the Basic...and that Saturday became what I call my "confirmation day", although I'm not catholic. NOW...I know that HE has huge plans for you...You are His own! ^_^ :) :) *Love ya.
Posted by Shiowei at September 18, 2004 2:57 AM
yup. its time. for another comment by yours truly. you know the drill, make sure you go the the bathroom and all that before you start reading, cuz it's gonna be a while.
Northwoods trip. where is that? is it in the north? because if it isnt, thats really misleading of them to call it Northwoods. I mean, thats like saying I'm an artist when i fully know that i'm no artist, and cant even concoct a stick figure correctly. THAT would be both evil and misleading, not to mention an insult to all artist worldwide. infact, i apologize to all you artists out there (vicki, you included) for even daring to say that in example. please forgive me, and i will try my best never to do that again.
singing hyms is fun. especially by the camfire. i made that sound as if i have done that before, didnt i? well, what i meant was singing hyms by the campfire WOULD be fun IF i ever did that. another misleading statement, but arent you proud of me for clearing that up?
s'mores are beautiful. so beautiful i stare at them so long until the marshmallow gets cold, then i cry.
depression? i generally assume that i am the only person that gets depressed on a regular basis, but it seems you are a regular at the depression club,but the bartender is God in this situation, cus He's the one you talk to and dishes out understanding, forgiving and cleansing of the spirit instead of alchohol.
you renewed your relationship with God? thats awsome, like renewing vows in a marriage.i did that when i as 13 or so, but it was mostly because i was truly swaying...i knew what i should have been doing but seemed to almost purposley not do them. when i realized how far i had seperated from God, i felt it was important to make a renewal, and now i actually consider that day my turning point, as opposed to when i was 5 and knew that God loves me and decided to walk down the aisle.
isnt it awesome how you can feel so safe in someone that your worries are completely washed away? its even more awesome when that one cannot forsake you, God. its such a relief to not have to carry on burdens, isnt it! you dont have to be so worried about whats gonna happen, because you've totally submitted. somtimes i do come back to my old self, and seem to almost forget about my reliance on god and rely on myself again, then the worries flood back. but i must always remember that We dont have to worry, because we're in God's hands. and its AWESOME to have that feeling, cuz then you can enjoy life, just like you are now! awesome.
foosball tournies? awesome! i remember the good (well sortof good) 'ol days when you and wei would whoop us all so badly at 4-H..ahh...such good--and bad-- times..yes..we all wanted to be just like you and weien.
yeah, that passion of the christ. i didnt think i could go through that again, i mean it was a great movie though. i seriosly could barely breathe when i saw that. it just hit me SO hard that it was me who did that, and this is how i treat Him...that movie was such a great reminder to what Jesus has done for us, and what she should be doing and all of that...such a powerful movie. but anyways, my point was i did infact eventually see most of it again, and i needed that too. reminders are always good, i seem to always have a necessity to recommmit my life...i just never get it right, but He just always forgives...its awesome.
nice pictures. i'm sorry, ive done it again. i said something as though i had experienced it, fully knowing i have not veiwed the pictures. i'm ofcourse assuming they are superb pictures, and may infact take a look at them if i ever finish this comment.
even though i havent viewed it..i must comment on this cheese castle. is the castle actually made out of cheese? if so then that means: 1) thats completely discusting. 2)people have too much time on their hands. 3) people in wisconsin are queer.
ah... HQ..headquarters. as i've said, i dont know if i would ever come to that...ever. not because i'm a complete idiot (notice the insert of the word complete) but because headquarters is so illogical and uncatchy. i mean..surely 'Holy quiver' made much more since, and was definately more catchy. i mean isnt "I'm going to the Holy quiver" sound more catchy and exciting than "I'm going to the headquarters?" yeah, i thought so too.
oh, about that worm cake. thank you for turning me off of cake for the rest of my life! sheesh. worm cake? does that at all sound appealing to you?
maybe i should veiw the picture before i further debate about it. meh, *shrugs
*yeah, sketching at the riverwalk was awesome, wasnt it? the viola dude seemed cool, in that he was extremely awesome at the viola.
i did actually take a look at "Ag"'s picture, and i rather liked it. i mean sure, it didnt exactly show t's face, but the sketchbook was rather nice.
i've improved? in art? cha-ching.
alright. i guess its time for me to depart.
cya.
ha. you thought you could get me away that easily, didnt you? foolish thoughts. well, cya is so...blah. so here are other ways i can say cya or to depart:
goodbye, farewell, adieu, bye-bye, hasta la vista baby, ciao, cherrio, eighty-eights (WHAT? i'm on the thesaurus website and eighty-eights is listed. have you ever heard of such a thing? i mean, were you ever like "cya" and the other kid was like "oh!! eighty-eights!!" no. i didnt think so. that is crazy), Godspeed, leave-taking, parting, so long, swan song (i am officially done with listing the ridiculous ones that no one has ever uttered), toodle-oo, valediction, bolt, take off, vacate, off-going, expiry, split.
i really am done now.
eighty-eights!
Posted by Pj at September 27, 2004 6:27 AM
omg, you NEED to hear "Life is like a Boat" by Rie Fu. ~_~ Tell me where to send it.
Posted by Sunnie at September 30, 2004 11:14 AM
Tanjoubi Omedetou Gozaimasu!!!
Great post. Its almost been a month. May we have more of your insightfulness soon?
Hope you have a great b-day!
Posted by Ag at October 4, 2004 9:01 AM