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But not quite
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I mowed the lawn the other day, under the cruel tutelege of "Pai" Wei. As he says, and I quote: "Pretty handy if you get married to some bedridden guy. So get goin', Mrs. Bedridden!" (amazing how he so wishes for my ruin.) Needless to say, as I'm sure you know it's coming, I found this a most gratifying experience, and I still marvel at the profound way my soul is pleasured to see the evenly cropped, elegantly short, glistening green grass in comparison to the overgrown stuff, divided by the ridge that marks my progress...
Meh. Life seems so good sometimes.
And, well, oops. I watched Kill Bill 2, and I got a little too much out of it. Every part of that movie, even the tamer bits (left in to relieve viewers from having a two hour long cardiac arrest), gripped me tightly, freaking me out, but also exciting my artistic sense. Everything seemed so... perfectly measured. A high qual storyline. Deep morals that make you shudder (i.e. what Beatrice was doing for her baby). Every character, admirable (besides that Estevan guy! Without him, it would have been an admirable feat indeed). The movie has you fight a most delicate battle, and I'm definately not talking about the violence. By the end I felt like I had been run over. I was crying from mental exertion. Now that some time has passed, I consider it one of the most beautiful, well-shot movies I have ever seen. Of course, it is bothering to think that someone could fulfill herself by violent revenge, and come out happy. On the other hand, I am not a born killer and I never had to see all my friends and family getting shot to death by ugly pieces of my past. Bottom line, the movie's rather objectionable and will not make you feel good; however, as a piece of art or as an experience, it was overwhelming... almost enriching.
Not to mention that the final sword fight had Uma Thurman in a long, modest, slit-less, non-form-fitting skirt. :Laughs: she killed him good. And btw, no, I do not recommend it. Not to most people, anyway. Such is the grand irony.
A few days later, I went to Tara-sama's for an LOTR marathon -- Tara rocks for bringing up the ultimate summer activity ideas! We also played some DDR ^____^. OH MAN... DDR ROXORS. It is like, worth it to buy a PS2 for just that one game. Only thing is that I can just feel that music and it's culture getting slowly pumped into my bloodstream.
Moderation. Is the word. ^_~.
So, yay, I went back to HQ to find my toothpaste and soap missing and a bunch of people replaced. I was also once again given a date to share my testimony since the last one didn't get to happen. TWICE THE PERIOD OF SENSELESS WORRY. Actually, I have a lot to share, but figuring out how to share it in front of large groups is what's hard. I even have the outline written down. I just need to... gather... my senses ^^;;.
Something that popped into my mind one day:
"Well," he said, sliding the document back onto her desk, "You win."
She uncharacteristically paused for a moment before speaking.
"No. I haven't won."
"Why do you say that?"
"I've won nothing. All this--" she motioned at the file cabinets next to her desk-- "it's... it's nothing. It means nothing. I haven't won, and I never will. I can't win. I can't, because I've made the ultimate loss."
He was unfazed.
"Tell me, how did the world's greatest investor become some kind of philosopher?"
She smiled wryly.
"Enough of the philosopher stuff. Getting kinda old. Anyway. Everything you see here? It's yours. You know it. And don't you dare not take it." She tossed her name plaque into the wastebasket. The business cards. The framed photo of her dog. A stack of envelopes.
"Whatever is done now is up to you. Only thing is that you don't ask where I'm going. You must not try to find me. Don't you dare try to find me."
A pause.
"Accept this as a favor, by the way."
With that, she grabbed her purse and exited the room.
He stared out the open door. What?!
After about five minutes, he looked back at her desk. Well, there it was. The position he had wanted for so long. The position he believed was his, from the moment he'd met it's latest occupant, then thinking that she was a worthless hindrance to the company, to that moment, months later, that he realized he was working for the most admirable person he had ever known.
Then it hit him.
He had not asked what her ultimate loss was.
How could he not ask?
Was he never to know?
He turned back to the open door.
He had to know. He had to make it right, because no loss had ever harmed her, and this was not to be the first exception. He had to because he respected her.
He revered her.
It could almost be said that he loved her. But not quite.
From Vic's Book of Needless Thoughts:
'If I were granted any one wish, I would be tempted to ask, in what would appear to be a kind of artificial longing, for a firmer grip on reality. Maybe it is that I've harbored too many fantasies in my impressionable mind as a child, or perhaps it is some sort of sinful blockage of all that is good, but I do know that there are times when, though I am ready to contemplate the deepest mysteries of humanity, I can barely comprehend the simplest of truths. Maybe I have been granted a peek into a certain dimention of the Oscar Wilde quote: "The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." The thing is, did I have to give up my sanity for it?'
I've been working on my 4H projects (still hideously behind schedule)... adding a few more RWQ's... making some goals, namely, to obtain and read Pascal's Pensees (!) and get that 'Be Thou my vision' arrangement done. Oh yes, and plugs to Weien (read his latest poem! NOw!), Ka-chan (new layout! *cheers*), Kash (as a final fanasy-type game, BS would ROCK), and Tara (yeah for college of dupagers!).
And, well, God has really shown Himself to me these last weeks, in the way that He just makes everything ok again. I was feeling hopeless in one situation, and in another, broken and doomed, but He just came and saved me. I g2g though. Someday I shall figure out how to write short entries again ^^.
8:14 AM
Comments
Dear... you've seemed to take up binge blogging. XD;;
Good to know that you can get something deep and interesting from one such as Kill Bill.... which I have yet to see but want to do so dearly. XD
Posted by Sunnie at July 14, 2004 1:35 AM
NO DON'T WRITE SHORT ENTRIES AGAIN!!!
It's nice to be able to read so much all at once... it's kinda like eating. It feels better to eat three big meals a day than to just eat continuously all day but in smaller amounts. Preserve the Binge Blog Diet!
Now that you've talked so much about Kill Bill 2 that I want to go see them both. I don't know why, the movie title isn't at all appealing to me and I can't imagine what the movie would be about, but you make it sound like a good watch.
Anyway, ain't grass fun? I went out for a bike ride Sunday and passed my friend's house... he was out mowing his foot-long grass. That's when it is most fun to cut, especially with the push mower, because you feel you've actually accomplished something. Sometimes when I mow I only take a half-inch or so off the top of what's already there and it feels like there's no point to it. I mean, if I can't look at the grass and tell where I've already mowed... what's the point?
What exactly is HQ? I keep hearing about it and still have absolutely no clue what's up with HQ. GAH YOU DRIVE ME CRAZZZY AT TIMES WITH GARLIC AND HQ I joined garlic BTW. Fun page it be.
I like the something that popped into your mind one day. It is excellently enigmatic and perfectly boundried. The beginning is in just the right place that it all makes sense but doesn't, and the end is uncannily situated to entice more reading, if there were more to read. But, I don't think there should be. I like it simple and pointless like that.
Also liked your take from your Book of Needless Thoughts. I feel the same way at times. What is life? Am I real? And other questions my brain uses to confuse itself at times. I suppose it comes from not trusting in God's direction for our lives; we still want to know everything right now and so we think about it all the time.
Wow, I should read Weien's Xanga more often. Those poems are great. He has the keenest sense of style I've ever seen in a poet. He's goin' on my links section!
Keep it up, sis!
Kash of the Kingdom
Posted by Kash at July 14, 2004 8:34 AM
"Now that this arm belongs to me..." Y'neeaay... clean jest and goading in raw form, who can decipher? Keke.
I really liked your short story... Again though- the char reminds me of j00 sorda. Excellent dialogue though.
On needless thoughts: Neato.*I hope you enjoy those Pensees!
And now- addressing Kash of the Kingdom *turns head to the right slowly*. (1) You would do well to get a blog. I would supply the eyes of one reader. (2) Grass is fun, yes. (3) HQ? Why- it's HEADQUARTERS. 'uaha! (4) Keen sense of style? *looks up keen* Thanq ye!
Keep it up, worthy siblings!*(was tempted to write "one and all" despite the ultimate triteness in such a phrase
Posted by Weien at July 14, 2004 11:09 AM
Hey! Long time no talk! :) Kill Bill 2, DDR, LOTR Marathon...sounds like my life, too! Haha. You inspire me to post longer, more in-depth entries! ^_^ May God bless you always!
Posted by Victoriaicky Yang at July 15, 2004 11:46 AM
Fascinating--strongly reminds me of The Fountainhead
Posted by Xander Skyrien at July 20, 2004 3:48 AM
blegh. kill bill. sorry, i detest gory devlish things of the sort. lol. my friend actually fileld me in on the entire plot of volumes 1 and 2 so i really feel like i've seen them both before. hey, i want a shameless plug for my site. *pouts*. i apologize for my sillyness. i didnt even know you could comment on your blg thing, thats how much i visit your site. its quite a shame and i almost promise to visit way more often because the shirking has to stop. this is my responsibility (to read and comment on your site) and i musnt shirk my responsibilites. i apoligize, and i hope to recieve forgiveness sometime in the near future. i realize this entire long comment is full of foolish gibberish, which is really telling me that i must depart.
but when do i listen to what i feel? not today, yesterday or tomorrow (im guessing, unless someone gives me some sort of mind altering drug. wich is highly possible, contrary to popular belief. my brother looks very suspicious to me, and im also thinking you are a possible candidate in drugging me tomorrow. shame upon you)
are you ready for more gibberish? if not, prepare yourself, get some popcorn because you're in for a long ride.
I see a pattern in your blogness. so much stuff about God. and i mean, how cool is that? i need to take notes, and on my xanga leave out unecessary items such as what i did today and instead add insightful things that God has taught me or whatever. I mean, because thats what matters the most. sure i have an occasionaly post about what really matters, but i really should keep it more frequent, you know?
im really aiming to make this comment longer than "kash"'s one, so bear with me. now i will begin to discuss things pertaining to your actual post.
I've actually never mowed the lawn. ever. is that a bad thing? do i sound like a priss? well, i do have 2 willing strong (or..strong willing) brothers that are quite capable of doing the task, so ive never actually been asked to mow the lawn. which is really fine with me, because once they get me started on a chore they never seem to stop asking. and it really is depressing. so i am greatful and happy for my incapability of mowing the lawn. see how i made that one sentence the basis of an entire speech? thrilling, isnt it?
I believe i've already made a statement about kill bill, and so i will not speak of it again. arent you happy? haha only kidding. I was listening to my friend tell me the story, and i was just thinking "isnt it entitled Kill bill?" why is she killing everyone else but bill? the best people in the movie (vivica fox and lucy lu) get killed, and their names are NOT bill. i bet they went into this movie thinking that all they were gonna do was kill bill, and were dissappointed to find that they were being killed because of the wrath of the blonde chick.
now, i must say that if you made it this far you truly ar a trooper and i am forever greatful. onto the next part of your post.
Tara-sama? how did this nickname come about? Im sure there is some reasoning behind it, and not that you're just rhyming with tara.
YES. DDR IS AWESOME. there surely will be ddr played at my party, and im glad you enjoyed it. BUT i am really sad and depressed that you were so good at it your first time. i know, i know i really should be happy for you. but...well im not. you see, i played it first at the maggianos house and i passed like once, and they all shamelessly laughed at me and called me names like "you stink girl" it was mortifying.
I had to give my testimony publicly once, and i realized that it wasnt that good and so i wrote it all down, brushed it up and if i have the paper with me, i'd have a rockin testimony. *Raises the roof*
intruiging story that popped into your mind. you are an artistic and writing genius. *sigh* im horrible. and jealous. oh the green jealousy rers its ugly head yet again.
i enjoyed the needless thought, and i always have needless thought. actually, i wish i thought stuff that i needed to think, that would be awesome. but no, im just full of needlessness.
Im glad i didnt do 4h this year. or last year. because by 8th grade i was half-heartedly trying and by now it woulda been like 1/100000 heartedly trying. and thats just not cool. i mean you should be giving your all or nothing at all.
you were feeling hopeless and God saved you? that is routine in my life. its cool how He always saves though...rockin
i think im really done now. im tired*-Paula
Posted by paula at July 23, 2004 11:48 AM
woot! finally somebody who has long entries like I do! XD You have excellent taste in email addresses, I must say ^.~ hehe. I love the little viola cursor woot! finally somebody who has long entries like I do! XD You have excellent taste in email addresses, I must say ^.~ hehe. I love the little viola cursor
Posted by Ashley at July 25, 2004 5:10 AM