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But not quite
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
I mowed the lawn the other day, under the cruel tutelege of "Pai" Wei. As he says, and I quote: "Pretty handy if you get married to some bedridden guy. So get goin', Mrs. Bedridden!" (amazing how he so wishes for my ruin.) Needless to say, as I'm sure you know it's coming, I found this a most gratifying experience, and I still marvel at the profound way my soul is pleasured to see the evenly cropped, elegantly short, glistening green grass in comparison to the overgrown stuff, divided by the ridge that marks my progress...
Meh. Life seems so good sometimes.
And, well, oops. I watched Kill Bill 2, and I got a little too much out of it. Every part of that movie, even the tamer bits (left in to relieve viewers from having a two hour long cardiac arrest), gripped me tightly, freaking me out, but also exciting my artistic sense. Everything seemed so... perfectly measured. A high qual storyline. Deep morals that make you shudder (i.e. what Beatrice was doing for her baby). Every character, admirable (besides that Estevan guy! Without him, it would have been an admirable feat indeed). The movie has you fight a most delicate battle, and I'm definately not talking about the violence. By the end I felt like I had been run over. I was crying from mental exertion. Now that some time has passed, I consider it one of the most beautiful, well-shot movies I have ever seen. Of course, it is bothering to think that someone could fulfill herself by violent revenge, and come out happy. On the other hand, I am not a born killer and I never had to see all my friends and family getting shot to death by ugly pieces of my past. Bottom line, the movie's rather objectionable and will not make you feel good; however, as a piece of art or as an experience, it was overwhelming... almost enriching.
Not to mention that the final sword fight had Uma Thurman in a long, modest, slit-less, non-form-fitting skirt. :Laughs: she killed him good. And btw, no, I do not recommend it. Not to most people, anyway. Such is the grand irony.
A few days later, I went to Tara-sama's for an LOTR marathon -- Tara rocks for bringing up the ultimate summer activity ideas! We also played some DDR ^____^. OH MAN... DDR ROXORS. It is like, worth it to buy a PS2 for just that one game. Only thing is that I can just feel that music and it's culture getting slowly pumped into my bloodstream.
Moderation. Is the word. ^_~.
So, yay, I went back to HQ to find my toothpaste and soap missing and a bunch of people replaced. I was also once again given a date to share my testimony since the last one didn't get to happen. TWICE THE PERIOD OF SENSELESS WORRY. Actually, I have a lot to share, but figuring out how to share it in front of large groups is what's hard. I even have the outline written down. I just need to... gather... my senses ^^;;.
Something that popped into my mind one day:
"Well," he said, sliding the document back onto her desk, "You win."
She uncharacteristically paused for a moment before speaking.
"No. I haven't won."
"Why do you say that?"
"I've won nothing. All this--" she motioned at the file cabinets next to her desk-- "it's... it's nothing. It means nothing. I haven't won, and I never will. I can't win. I can't, because I've made the ultimate loss."
He was unfazed.
"Tell me, how did the world's greatest investor become some kind of philosopher?"
She smiled wryly.
"Enough of the philosopher stuff. Getting kinda old. Anyway. Everything you see here? It's yours. You know it. And don't you dare not take it." She tossed her name plaque into the wastebasket. The business cards. The framed photo of her dog. A stack of envelopes.
"Whatever is done now is up to you. Only thing is that you don't ask where I'm going. You must not try to find me. Don't you dare try to find me."
A pause.
"Accept this as a favor, by the way."
With that, she grabbed her purse and exited the room.
He stared out the open door. What?!
After about five minutes, he looked back at her desk. Well, there it was. The position he had wanted for so long. The position he believed was his, from the moment he'd met it's latest occupant, then thinking that she was a worthless hindrance to the company, to that moment, months later, that he realized he was working for the most admirable person he had ever known.
Then it hit him.
He had not asked what her ultimate loss was.
How could he not ask?
Was he never to know?
He turned back to the open door.
He had to know. He had to make it right, because no loss had ever harmed her, and this was not to be the first exception. He had to because he respected her.
He revered her.
It could almost be said that he loved her. But not quite.
From Vic's Book of Needless Thoughts:
'If I were granted any one wish, I would be tempted to ask, in what would appear to be a kind of artificial longing, for a firmer grip on reality. Maybe it is that I've harbored too many fantasies in my impressionable mind as a child, or perhaps it is some sort of sinful blockage of all that is good, but I do know that there are times when, though I am ready to contemplate the deepest mysteries of humanity, I can barely comprehend the simplest of truths. Maybe I have been granted a peek into a certain dimention of the Oscar Wilde quote: "The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple." The thing is, did I have to give up my sanity for it?'
I've been working on my 4H projects (still hideously behind schedule)... adding a few more RWQ's... making some goals, namely, to obtain and read Pascal's Pensees (!) and get that 'Be Thou my vision' arrangement done. Oh yes, and plugs to Weien (read his latest poem! NOw!), Ka-chan (new layout! *cheers*), Kash (as a final fanasy-type game, BS would ROCK), and Tara (yeah for college of dupagers!).
And, well, God has really shown Himself to me these last weeks, in the way that He just makes everything ok again. I was feeling hopeless in one situation, and in another, broken and doomed, but He just came and saved me. I g2g though. Someday I shall figure out how to write short entries again ^^.
