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Give me a chance to fly. And I'll show you my wings.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Wow, a lot of cool stuff has been happening to me lately. Here's my latest oekaki btw: "The Grinnin' Reaper." BA-DUM CHH!! HAHAHAHA. Whew, this one was kind of different, I was feeling really hyper and this idea of a huge and puffy scythe just kept overloading my brains.
Praise Symphony (our church's youth orchestra) played last Sunday. I admit that at first, this round was killing me. I wasn't given the instrumentation until a day before the first rehearsal, so my work on the arrangement was slow and visionless. I found out that the only instruments would be flute, clarinet, trumpet, and violin, and had to reduce my score into such in barely sane haste--I mean, I was printing the thing five minutes before rehearsal, 25 minutes after I said I would be there.
When I walked through the door five minutes late, I discovered the extra presence of three cellists, a percussionist, and the beginner clarineter who would need his own simplified music. I think I was freaking out and not ok, because I remember Mr. Beatty calmly reassuring me, "Don't freak out, it's ok." Then he walked me through [ad libitum] Plan B, and I just felt so much better ;_; like it really was gonna be ok. And I remember awkwardly going into the sanctuary and asking Mrs. Willemssen for staff paper, and I remember her smiling at me and leaving the rehearsal to boot up her laptop so I could use Finale instead ;_;. Ahhh!!! These people were so good to me and it made all the difference ;_;.
So I went and wrote up the music we needed (while reciting to myself, All Cows Eat Grass, since there was no playback and I had to compose by sight -.- ha), and it was pretty cute, because some of the kids were feeling sorry for me, and saying so, even though I was doing quite well by then.
The day after, I found out that the trumpet boy was opting out, thus Mr. Beatty, being a trumpeter himself, was going to sub, leaving wide open the job of conducting, which he offered to me. After 30 seconds of considering this (only had to hyperventilate for 10 seconds), I decided to do it ^_^. And man, I kept on making ALL these mistakes at the subsequent rehearsals, but the kids were being incredibly patient with me and didn't seem to mind (minus the laughing percussion boy, but that's different xD). Mr. Beatty (from amongst the Jr. Highers) was always there to help, but if I asked him a question on how a section should be, he'd just grin and say, "Up to you." ...which was so cool. I think I get a whole lot out of working with him and the PS. It's like more than any aspiring music educator could ever ask for. Except for the friendly-church-kids-who-are-there-to-serve-God factor, which kinda made it easier than public school reality; but indeed, I also kinda relied on that, considering my heinous lack of experience xD I mean it could have become some kind of uproarious disaster.
The time for prelude came, and for the first time ever, I stood up there with my back facing the congregation. And the lights came on, and I started them off, and for the first time ever, the music sounded beautiful. And yeah. It was only two verses with an intro, and it was nothing amazing. But the hymn was Fairest Lord Jesus, that old favorite, that good ol' hymn which has some truly wonderful meanings. I've realized that no matter how crazy it gets, life is beautiful because of Jesus.
Fair are the meadows, fairer still the woodlands,
robed in the blooming garb of spring:
Jesus is fairer, Jesus is purer
who makes the woeful heart to sing.
Other news... I went to help with the children at the "shelter" with some people at headquarters for the first time. The Pacific Garden Mission. I think it would have been a little less traumatic if it hadn't been the first time I had ever given a kid a piggy back ride in 10+ years, or the first time I had ever told a kid, "No" in 10+ years, or the first time ANYBODY had ever said, "Get away from me, ya spanish lady!" o_O. But yeah, I guess that would be awesome-experience-#2 of the last two weeks. Never having seen me before, some of those kids went right over to me, reaching out so that they could be held... as if, Megan told me later, they needed so much for somebody, anybody, to reach back out to them and just love them for who they were. That really made me think. One should never take his/her family (or house) for granted! Pray for those kids.
Something exciting... last karate practice, an 8th grader from Kennedy jr. high school came! Mr. Faye (a black belt who teaches the class) is also from Kennedy--he's a wrestling coach/science teacher there. Hearing about my old school makes me miss those days so bad. So many good memories. The 8th grader went through team infinity like I, and we both couldn't stand Mrs. Weber! Haha! Sometime I will have to ask them if there is still a Bible study, and if there is still a beautiful painting in the nurse's office. I will have to ask if the Eagle's Nest (school store) is still "out of business," and if the gum rule was ever repelled again. I will have to ask if Mr. Foley still threatens to sit on his orchestra, and I'll have to ask if Mr. Scarpino still sings his corny songs over the intercom to recruit people for the bowling league. I'll have to go back. I'll have to see those halls again. I'll have to hear that bell ringing. I have to.
Ok, not much else; I posted on BS, updated teh garlic, made an avatar for myself:
Yes I know the color is "interesting," but you see xD, it had to match my blinkie/sig:
^___^hehe. And here's a Deep Thought that I came across one day: "God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts." :)...
Shho anyway... is anyone from hq reading this?? Comment me xD!! I feel like I totally do not know my audience here so I'm not going to make sense to some people I'm sure. -.- ahh goodnight.
Easter joy '04
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Our church held five services this weekend with full orchestra for each one; it was beautiful. Some jazzy efcn classics, some good ol' hymns, and "michael's multimedia masterpiece" in which we were accompanied by synthesized instrumentation and scenes from The Passion. Somewhere in the middle of all the glory, God reminded me to focus on Him and His perfect will instead of on myself. Which is important, because when I dwell only on my own thoughts and feelings, I get sucked down easily, especially since I'm the more cynical type. I renounced my plans to write my Vindication of the Condition of Woman, deciding instead to perhaps write from the opposite angle ^_~. God is good!
Between services, we played a Lord of the Rings edition of RISK which was rather gratifying--my type of game >D. It's interesting to see how people are when they're waging war against each other. More SkipBo, complete with wailings and shouting and that kind of drama that looks a little strange over a kiddy card game ;). And what else. There was that perfect Easter sunset the night before; almost fake hues of pink and purple. It was a good one.
Earlier today, working in the warehouse helping with mailings, I asked some people what interesting things God had shown them lately. Katie said that no matter how busy you get, God must still be first. This gets to be especially true when you are tempted to skip spending personal time with Him. Peter noted that we should pray for others, as Paul exorts in Philippians. So those are some thougnts.
Sessions with one of my favorite geeks:
VI0LIST (11:24:19 PM): whatcha workin on lately?
Andy (11:24:25 PM): i wrote a multi-client chat server
Andy (11:24:27 PM): wanna try it?
VI0LIST (11:24:56 PM): ok, if it's not going to transfer any type of bad substance onto my comp ;-)
Andy (11:25:05 PM): it doesnt have that function yet
Andy (11:35:20 PM): say, arent you going to be 18 soon?
VI0LIST (11:35:29 PM): october
Andy (11:35:36 PM): i see
VI0LIST (11:35:46 PM): wahhh I just wanna be a kid
Andy (11:36:30 PM): and i wanna be an adult
VI0LIST (11:36:48 PM): cool, lets trade
Andy (11:37:08 PM): k
Hmm if only it were that easy. Well, there must be good things in being old as well. Not to mention I should up a quotes page one of these days. Ok.
Trying not to break down while pursuing God's plans ^^
Thursday, April 1, 2004
o4/o4/o2. There is no year without a winter. ::cries:: Thank you so much, Shiowei; I needed that. I mean I know these things but it makes such a difference to hear them coming from someone else. <3 I appreciate all the encouragement you give me.
And sometimes we get to talking on Subjects that Matter. Emily, that's beautiful. So very interesting to see the different places to which God leads us and the different ways through which He keep us afloat and moving upward.
[And it's rather inane, these lengthy pieces filled with inconsistencies that I bother to revise :D.] What was here before was written when I was feeling kind of sick and if you know me well you might have guessed it. So I will rephrase the whole thing because really, my life is awesome and I constantly have too many people to thank, including God who makes everything good.
Most exciting, I'm going to ACen (an anime convention) with Tara in May--thus j00 must come to0! I noticed the ACen site was character link approved, and now I'm dying to know who submitted it. Could there really be some ATI-ian otakus out there ^___^? I updated teh garlic site, saw that battlesong is still going strong, and admit that the 4H site features just about nothing at this point in time. I was this close to putting something cynical and obscure up there, but nothing good would've come out of that, eh?
...ok so it's obscure. And have you ever seen me lmbo? Today at church--Palm Sunday, celebrating, and with the whole orchestra and all--I was so exhilarated just playing SkipBo with fellow violist Stephanie and trumpet boy Luke and clarineter boy Anthony and Weien(!) and Random Choir Member in the back between services. It's so refreshing to be around people who 1. Will accept you for who you are without faking it, 2. Will not assign to you social rank, 3. Are with you in something Great and for God's glory, and 4. Will not make you feel awkward because of broken and inconsistent segregation or stiffled communication. Let that sink deep into your soul now...
And here are some quotes I collected from Math 118, winter quarter 2004 xD!! (Note that Mr. Africh is a medium sized, jolly, old fashioned-joke cracker who reminds me of an intelligent, mathematical version of Samwise from LotR; Frank is the aforementioned philosopher guy; Amy is the hilariously agressive "I need an A" student; and Amanda was my closest friend throughout the course, always there to say, "You're doing it all wrong, sweetie," and yes her personality is most inspiring. These people are so memorable... not to mention they manage 1, 2, and 4 of the above mentioned thingies, haha.)
Mr. Africh: "That's good! You're chewin' on this stuff and spitting it out when it's not too palatable."
Mr. Africh: "English majors, they drive me nuts! I get these two reoccuring nightmares...(goes on to explain the semantic-related nightmares) Shoot me! SHOOT ME!"
(On an example Mr. Africh gave on probability) Frank: "I saw that on Blind Date yesterday. Some guy was trying to woo his date with that example."
(A probability problem he made himself) Mr. Africh: "Two myopic deer hunters fire rifles simultaneously at a nearby rooster..."
(A combinatorics example he made himself) Mr. Africh: "So you're pickin' people to dig ditches..."
(Referring to a problem about shotgun cartridges) Mr. Africh: "So we got a wedding here."
Some Guy: "It's a Southern wedding."
Amy: "Wait... there's nothing about a WEDDING!"
Frank:"Is there a chance that one person will be alive at the end?"
Mr. Africh: "Well, let's see here."
(Demonstrates the problem)
Frank: "That's a high percentage of death. I'd risk it."
Amy: "Donkeys see food, and they take off!"
Frank: "Humans do the same thing."
Mr. Africh: "Just look at the formula! Or at the tattoo on your arm, wherever you put it."
(Turns off the lights) Mr. Africh: "So hold on to your purses, ladies."
(On graphic iteration) Mr. Africh: "Go into a tavern with this stuff and everybody'll buy you drinks! I mean this stuff has its use!
(Discussing guys with guns pointed at your head, telling you to compute complex problems or they shoot) Frank: "I'd rather die."
Mr. Africh: "Let's iterate!"
Entire Class: "Noooo!!!"
(On a video about Mandelbrot sets) Mr. Africh: "The problem with this movie is... well see if you can go through it without fallin' asleep."
Amanda: "And if we stay awake the whole time?"
Mr. Africh: "Extra credit!!"
(On mohawks) Frank: "I'm the alpha male!"
Other Guy: "He's the alpha male, he started the tribe!"
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhahaha...
And as if that wasn't long enough, here's a song that came to me a little while ago ^_^. Kinda... interesting rhythm... needs a reworking of certain lines... just slightly unoriginal... bah! I am hoping to write poetry that is more similar to the one I did on innocence since NOBODY writes poems like THAT ;) but yeah. Those don't just come.
"If I had my way with things
I'd hate this ride, I'd escape my life
If I saw through my own eyes
I'd turn away, or lose my mind
I've come to realize I don't need happiness
I've come to think it's not for someone like me
I've come to know that I am smaller than I everthoughtIcoulda been
that there's a Power greaterthantheoneI'vegotwithin
I think I'm starting to see
If I had no other pains
I'd be in charge, I'd escalate
If I saw no boundaries
I'd wing it off, and break my slate
I've come to realize I need some principles
I've come to think that I need something to give
I've come to know that I am nothing 'cept whatGodhascometogiveto me
I owe Him everything Iamandwasandwilltobe
I think I'm starting to live
If I had no higher aim
I'd skirt the edge, I'd hug the line
If I saw no way to fly
I'd break my wings, I'd fall and die
I've come to realize the hope I have in You
I've come to think that all I need is Your love
I've come to know that through Christ'sgreatandholysacrificefor me
I have a chance to knowtheOnewholovesandwaitsfor me
I have a home up above..."
So let me know, ey? <3 Still bored, read this. God bless you.