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I looked at the window; it looked back at me.
Saturday, March 27, 2004
So... here's a picture I drew a few days ago, the wondrous ultimate in sickening cliché meets vicart™ :D. I've found a mediocre but undead oekaki board so it's all good. I wish I could just find a decent paintchat again. BattleSong is actually still alive, haha, and we are planning some good things for it; in the meantime I moved the images and gallery into my own server. As for this site, I took the glow style out of the main blog sections because AHHH, THAT'S what was glitching it up and lagging the scrolling :P. The 4H site is down and I don't feel any motivation whatsoever to set it back up at this point in time. What I do want to do is revamp my old galaxy site because... it is coo' xD.
I saw The Passion of the Christ last weekend. The movie is a work of art. Every aspect was very carefully put into play, always leaning toward the extreme side, always tying back into the main point. I will agree with the masses that it was a very moving experience, one which can definately change lives. However, I absorbed it intellectually throughout, and while I shed no tears, the movie helped me greatly with some conflicts which were at the back of my mind as I entered the theater. Along with my usual feministic tendancies (or what is left of them, thanks to those who gave me some counsel regarding such things), I detected in myself a slight mistrust in God steming from my violent hatred for certain events that I am reminded of every now and then, such as sexual assault, forced promiscuity, and other variants of the worst of demoralizing and destructive actions against the female kind. As I watched the movie, seeing Christ beaten was not what really hit me; rather it was the repeated occurance of Satan, which began as one who denied that Christ's burden could be beared, and ended as one who had lost and was doomed. It sunk into me that what happens in this life is not the important thing-- what is important is the infinity that happens after. No one is going to be totured and raped forever-- Satan may be hanging around for now, but in the end, the good will always win. Justice will be done. In the great and grand scheme of things... it's gonna be ok. Ah, how hard it can be to focus on the grand scheme of things. But yeah. That is what God did for me through The Passion.
And I should mention again my gratitude for people such as Kyle and even Mrs. Bramsen for giving me some things to think about when I admitted to feminism in my thinking. Consider the following SNIPLETS:
Kyle (6:49:56 PM): its an equality, but they don't know what they really want
Kyle (6:50:18 PM): they really want someone to stand beside them, to hold and affirm them
Kyle (6:50:30 PM): here is my point....
Kyle (6:51:12 PM): If women would seek out the example that Christ has in scripture, they would find true happiness
VI0LIST (6:52:49 PM): sometimes it seems so much harder raising children and keeping a house than going to work...
Kyle (6:53:12 PM): but with labor comes contentment
VI0LIST (6:53:37 PM): true...
Kyle (6:53:39 PM): you won't be happy until you do your most
Kyle (6:53:57 PM): and that is by building the next generation
Kyle (6:54:28 PM): who knows, the work that you do as a mother could ultimately be residing in the white house
Kyle (6:54:36 PM): you run the world indirectly
VI0LIST (6:54:53 PM): wouldn't you rather be in the white house than having your offspring in the white house?
Kyle (6:56:29 PM): what I'm saying is, you can be running the senate, the congress, and the whitehouse if you do it right!
Kyle (6:56:40 PM): if you have 3 well done kids
Kyle (6:57:07 PM): so you would have more than one position
Kyle (6:57:16 PM): figuratively
VI0LIST (6:58:10 PM): so that's good enough for you?
Kyle (6:58:15 PM): what I'm saying is God knew what He was doing, I don't think that you will have dishonor in heaven for obeying Him
It's awesome seeing such things from a 15 year old GUY no less. The reasonings would have, however, been empty and offensive were it not for the beautifully respectful and understanding way in which he presented them to me in real life as well as online. Few could do that! Props to Kyle! Mrs. Bramsen's theory is that it is better to focus on what is really important than get caught up in what angers you. "Those [idiodic] guys are going through a phase and one day it will be different." She encouraged me to see things through Jesus' eyes, rather than waste my time getting offended. Additionally, she basically said that we are all imperfect so there. A reprimanding! Haha. Dawn's theory is that males are very different from females, with differing strengths and weaknesses, and it is the resulting confusion which causes the problems. Also she believes that "once I find the right man" kind of thing, it'll all be easier. If you read my first post about violasong.com, you will see that I actually have a theory for my issue as well. Just a bit more theoretical. Maybe I'll write more about this later... but I wanted to remember the good things that happen because God is good, even when your faith in Him isn't as solid as it should be. I'm working on it :P.
Lan party at headquarters/pallocks'; was interesting but I was feeling kind of um left out of a few games while trying to install starcraft for the 4th time or whatever x_x... I was glad for Lydia, though, who is awesome and was keeping me company throughout the party... also Matt B for his support and Dan for voluntarily helping me with starcraft. I really hope the latter two were in friendship rather than in pity or chivalry. Eheh. I don't know where I stand. I dunno. But it's ok. Oh yeah and Jenny my roommate is so cool, and also I found out that her bro was my bro's roommate at a string workshop two years ago. w00h! Well I should definately go to bed now. Let me know what you are thinking, plz... and God bless you :D.
Suuu busy but doing well-ish. And regionals '04.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Wow, yes, I am indeed alive. Praise symphony week comes again-- this time I'm not writing the music, but I got to do some directing last rehearsal! Mr. Beatty was helping me a lot, telling me not to conduct backwards xD and how to break apart the sections and put them back together. I feel so blessed... and being a public school orchestra director is starting to sound really good again... it would be more gratifying than graphic design, I think. Even though Pastor Hugo makes the latter sound like the ultimate job ^_^. Ahh...
A few nights ago, I started writing about this year's regional math competition from last week on a piece of paper, planning to post it here later. It [combined with one other topic] got to be 5 1/2 pages long! Thus I'm not going to type that all up right now. I will say that it was great. I guess I wrote a lot because I had just finished reading Elizabeth George Speare's The Witch of BlackBird Pond and I was feeling really emotional. *Dies* That was such a beautiful story. At one part... when a little girl was reading some verses out of Proverbs in the middle of the faulty witch trial... I started crying really hard. That felt good. Man it's crazy. I basically found a [temporary] little garden of peace in that book. The "love" in it is elementary-level, but I really felt it. To be innocent! To have cute little adventures! To be SAVED by someone you love, who loves you back! To be wisked away to a perfect ending! Ahhhh!!
What else... 4H, I made a little impromtu but premeditated speech about why it is good to be judged in a fair-- 'tis because you will learn a lot more hearing from people who aren't biased in your favor. Finale 04 arrived in the mail! w00t! Give me song/arranging ideas! And it was ALMOST springtime, and then it snowed, oh well. I am starting to take Karate again, which has been ok. Hehe.
Last day of math 118 at COD came along. I really miss all those different people. It was so interesting being with them. By finals, there were two people in class with mohawks XD; but it's something else. The different ideas, the different upbringings, the startling new thoughts. The "philosopher guy," as I affectionately call him (one of the guys with a mohawk) was more of a humanist or something, but wow! To meet someone with seemingly no sense of ethics or manners at all! Out of nowhere he would declare to me, "You dress really dark. Is it because you have a dark personality? It's very... mellow." At my suprised stare, he said, "What... not used to people talking to you like this?" "No, I think it's rather interesting," I said. Another day he announced, "I think it's ridiculous for someone to have ten children. I think it's ridiculous to have even three. It's SELFISH!" You may see nothing in that besides that it is wrong... but think about it! Ah, I'm around conservatives so often, it's just fascinating for me to see what other people have to say. It is a little sad as well, might I mention. How lost he was! How insecure, though he had his mind made up so! How much he needed the pure love of God! And God's perfect Word! The others were great too; I was planning to write a short description about each of them in fact, for memory's sake, but that will have to wait.
About the other half of my life... it's been nice-ish... I was moved to an aparment-like place with 4 really awesome girls in my suite [suite sixteen!], and there is a piano in the lobby. So I'm good :D. My first day there, we just sort of talked and sat around for a long time into the night [I was doing math homework of course xD]; one girl was playing the guitar, and some were singing; I got that nice campfire sort of feeling. Sometimes living here gets to be really... uncomfortable, but there are some sweet moments, definately. Shiopei was all incredulous that I was staying home part of every week, saying that she liked being focused in one place better. I, however, don't think I could have it any other way. For now, at least. Especially because of my growing involvement in church music stuff ^_^. Ah, I was meant to be busy, I feel it.
MY BROTHER ROCKS. I am going to compile all his quotes into a php script and have them randomize somewhere on my site by next version!
Weien: I mean
Weien: WHERE
Weien: wouldst it go?
Weien: ont he site?
Weien: on the site
Weien: on th esite
Weien: o nthes ite
Weien: eh?
Weien: NONONONONO
Weien: On the no, eh?
Weien: haha mad brother, mad brother!
Weien: WHAHAHA
Weien: nothing,
Weien: nothing.
:) God bless you guys.
Happiness is a funny thing. Sorda.
Friday, March 5, 2004
One of the all-time most awesome things about working here is the singing of hymns, which they do every morning and after lunch. It always starts off with a pristine unison for a few notes, then voices gradually and almost automatically switch over to different parts until it becomes a very full and overwhelmingly beautiful strain. Even the happy birthday song has this effect. Also, most people here know four times as many hymns as I do, and some know all the verses. I'll have to work on that... hehe
I've been working with flash here, brings back all kinds of good memories. Another thing that did that this week was playing through Bach Double #2 and 3 with the adult violinists at my church. They sound like unspeakably good. Also it is beyond gratifying to play old pieces again. We should get out those Mozart 157K's and just jam 'em out.
Yesterday I was like happy. To the point where I was feeling like, "This is kinda weird." Yes, indeed-- it was the result of the utter absence of unhappiness. So then I ruined it by conversing about miscellaneous subjects and thinking a lot upon such... I found myself frantically, distraughtly flipping through one of those Victoria magazines, trying to imerse myself in the quaint, artful images of antiques, flowers, and the streets of Prague. To be ignorant, to know nothing! To love no one! To live in a delightful little garden of peace! Everyone goes through painful phases... no one flies over the rainbow, they only become more complete-- if, that is, they can learn from their failures and move on upward. Sanctification. It's a good thing, even if you have to admit it through tears.
Man, I have all these cool quotes from my math course but those shall wait. The people there are all so weird and different... I just love being with them for the weirdness alone. One learns so much more about human nature when they are around their complete contrasts. Not that this is always a safe thing to do but yes.
Kyle: anything new
VI0LIST: life is pretty goodish
Kyle: goodish for you
VI0LIST: :-D
VI0LIST: what about you
Kyle: great can't wait to drive again
Kyle: its awesome
VI0LIST: why, cuz it's like ULTIMATE POWER AND CONTROL?
Kyle: with mom in the pasenger seat yeah
All these little kidlets, DRIVING! Bah! Well I have to say I was supremely encouraged today because I found out that Kyle is planning to be a missionary when he gets older, in order to be a good and faithful servant of the Lord. Chris C also wants to be a missionary. It is SO AWESOME to see people with such goals, to see them maturing, to see them going in such honorable directions. I could live on the pure joy of seeing my brethern going upward. :D