Sorry about this; I've been busy doing art, hanging around CGtalk, playing gunbound, you know, important stuff xD. For those who saw my site go down, things should be back to normal. T_T; must find new host...
I feel better now, though I haven't sorted myself out. If you were wondering, I was going psycho about all these B's and major grade-deciding assignments that at the time seemed impossible. That, in addition to various other pressures had me pretty irrational and depressed. I kept thinking about how great it would be to get into some major accident that would require a couple months at the hospital so I could pull away from everything/everyone that was stressing me out and settle down, and think over my life.
(At certain points in time I've also dreamed about joining a convent. I just realized that for me, that is just another variation of wanting to run away from life. =/)
No such luck =). Instead, I did miraculously well on finals and will probably get A's in both my classes. Also, during that time I discovered Broadway (thanks Weien)—my new favorite type of music =D (in addition to Country, which is also rather therapeutic =D).
Dancing through life
Swaying and sweeping
And always keeping cool
Life is fraughtless
When you're thoughtless
Those who don't try
Never look foolish.
[link] – this only works in IE I think and is glitchy, skips around, but it's worth it =). It's a radio.blog containing all the songs from the Broadway musical Wicked (about the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz)... such amazing, powerful stuff. My favorites are tracks 06, 07, 08, 11, 15. I really relate to track 11 at this time as you may understand after reading the rest of this post ;_;. Someday, I hope somebody will bring me to Broadway in Chicago to watch it with me =)...
Ok, in my last entry, I was referring mostly to changes in political views. I'm not sure whether I've seen the light, am finally being honest with myself, and am finally able to break free of what other people are telling me to think, or if I'm just succumbing to the humanism and liberal feminism that have been here all along o__o;... but I don't think it was until these past few months that I've really understood the relation between the political parties and different forms of government, and realized that in my immediate beliefs and nature I am not a Republican at all, and not of the Religious Right. I have a feeling it is wrong that I haven't seen the left-center-right model until now at age 19...
In Film as Lit, we studied different ideologies present in film; part of that was political ideologies. We got this worksheet illustrating the general differences of beliefs between the left and right. From the tone it seems a little biased in favor of the left, and from the quality of writing sounds like my professor could have made it up during lunch break, but the more I read into it, the more I can't ignore the fact that it is largely true and that I really agree with more left beliefs more than right ones. The only thing that still makes me associate with the right is the certain obvious connections to Biblical principles.
Why does the left thinking seem so intelligent/mature, fair, and charitable, and the right seem so selfish, intolerant, and illogical?
So now I am pondering the thought that God's wisdom is beyond human logic, and how it should be applied in this case. As God's word, the Bible must be obeyed. But there are so many ways of interpreting the Bible (?? T___T).
At the end of all my research into the 1st Amendment Establishment Clause for my 12-page paper for Political Science, I came to the conclusion that I pretty much agree with most of the Supreme Court's decisions on church and state o.O;? It was an incredibly difficult and maddening assignment (my worst case of procrastination ever) because I had no opinions on many such political topics, and my confusion of late made it worse. I recognized anti-God elements in certain leftists ideas, but I was also so offended by certain people of the Religious Right who seem like total hacks to me (David Barton, Pat Robertson); I just didn't want to have to come up with an opinion on this stuff (though yes, I did pick my topic -- lame, shoulda gone for gun control or something XO). I did eventually come up with a vague opinion and ended up turning in this somewhat placid, flavorless and forced piece of crud that was only 9 pages long.
"Well written overall," "very even-handed," my professor commented. I got an 92%?? (This is the miraculously-doing-well I mentioned above.) Had been bracing for at most a C... I mean it's an honors class, plus the midterm was graded pretty strictly o.O;. I'll have to attribute it to my coworkers' prayers about it during department meeting =)?... I pretty much had had only one prayer request for weeks.
Another matter: there was a woman in the class who gave a great speech at the end of the semester about her paper on legalizing homosexual marriages (we all had to give 15 minute speeches at the end -- yes, I denounced the teaching of intelligent design in public schools in front of the whole class, felt like I should be struck down for it...). She spoke of how it was wrong that some people wanted to criminalize such marriages. Playing devil's advocate, I asked, "What makes one type of marriage criminal, and another not?" (I compared it to incestuous and polygamous marriages, etc). After she could not give a decent response, the professor stepped in and basically explained that the courts are to define their own rules based on objective reasoning and evidence in the view of benefitting society. So a type of marriage which the court has good reason to believe will harm society would be criminalized. This makes certain things clear for me, though I'm not sure what to think. So the court creates its own moral code? Man, these are complicated matters, especially when you ignore the Bible.
Anyways, I haven't become a leftist, rather something in the center. For now, there will be less long-skirted long-haired women in my pics beginning with the drawing I'm doing for my next layout xD... because my opinions on certain conservative Christian topics, such as gender roles/segregation, courtship, and the skirt thing have been affected as well. But I guess it would be dumb to start stating my beliefs that there is a patriarchy present in the conservative Christian/Religious Right world. Conservative Christians/Religious Rightists EMBRACE the stinkin' patriarchy!
Ok. That's enough =), although I'm not done talking, and not done figuring out what I think, at all!! -- so DON'T QUOTE ME! lol. If anyone would actually want to further discuss these horrid, boring topics with me, feel free to IM me or something!
Oh yeah... and what are my parents' reactions to all this?
Mom: "Good to see that you are forming your own opinions."
Dad: "What, after all this time working with IBLP and you're still a feminist?"
LOL... they're great; my mom especially has been super understanding of my issues these days. It is really neat to have that.
Movie review time:
Chronicles of Narnia (2005) -- Ok wow this was totally satisfying; the most enjoyable film for me this year =). The four kids were well-casted and did a great job. CG effects were very good too.
Run Lola Run (1998 German film) -- Besides certain disturbing moments, I loved this -- probably beats Fight Club as most intense film I've seen this year :D. It's amazing how claustrophobic an effect they can inject into this little but very original plot. Also very meaningful, got me thinking which is what I love about watching films.
Once Upon a Mattress (2005 adaptation of the Broadway musical) -- Great acting and singing... I loved Tracey Ullman as Fred. As a whole this Disneyfied version was done quite well.
The Bicycle Thief (1948 Italian film) -- Pretty good; they got an incredibly uneventful story to come across as meaningful and dramatic. Watch this if you think current movies have too much plot and not enough... soul xD?...
Fargo (1996) -- Not worth watching because of these two nasty 5-second sex scenes (not to mention a somewhat empty and meaningless plot), but Frances McDormand's character and the score were great.
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) -- Not worth watching because of the awful instance of adultery which made me rather uncomfortable and bitter. Maybe it was because of the realisticness of the characters and ordinary plot. Otherwise, it wasn't bad; Woody Allen is a good actor.
Un Chien Andalou (1929 15-min surrealist film) -- I used to have a healthy level of respect for Salvador Dali, but after this film (which he co-directed) I really would rather not look at his art any more. Freaky and completely perverted T___T.
Other random things to note:
I've been having a great time learning more about programming with my Ruby mentor =). The last project I worked on was using unit testing to create a script that scores a bowling game. We only got it to the point where it could correctly score imperfect games though, heh xD; I might stab at it more over break. I thought a couple of you might want to take a look so here it is.
I really, really love the experience of being in a pit orchestra for a musical. For Christmas our church did a massive 4-day production complete with a 2-story "Living Christmas Tree;" it included really great music and required a larger orchestra than we usually have. We all had to watch the entire drama about eight times in two weeks. However, while other people were getting quite bored of the whole thing, I was loving it more everytime we went through the show. I couldn't wait to come back each of the four nights. Something about the challenge of coming in at the right moment and having several times to play the music even better than before just really excited me.
Another thing, it is so cool to be in that atmosphere -- stand lights and spotlights in darkness, surrounded by people who are each skilled in their instrument of choice; everyone looks exceptionally beautiful, smart, and professional in their all-black concert outfits while holding their instruments with expert fingers. You are connected to each one through the love of music and the hardships and joys you've all faced getting to whatever level of competency you have attained.
Leetness =D
I have got to find out how I can do this more often...
Lastly, I started posting on the CG Society forums :D (note: link may contain artistic nudity, etc). One feature they have is the Daily Sketch forum where they give you a topic a day to draw (and at the end of the week, everybody votes for the best sketches xD!) Here was my piece for the topic of "Alone on Christmas." Mine is a pretty cliche portrayal... I plan on drastically expanding my artistic horizons through involvement in this forum :DDD.
Another forum I've been following is the collaboration forum, where I discovered some people planning to make a photorealistic 3D short film on Genesis 1-3. What utter goodness. Of course, as far as 2D needs go, they need story board artists and matte painters, and I'd be a total beginner at either of those. But man, I really love the thought of being part of a team to work together on a big project and produce something completely new. That has got to be somewhere close to true happiness! I think I could currently do concept art, but I will need serious practice if I want to do matte painting (photo-realistic background paintings used in films and games). Someday it will also be sweet to have a good enough excuse to learn 3D =D.............
I'M DONE NOW. Oi... that was only about 2 pages shorter than my Establishment Clause paper XD??...
Sorry guys... I promise these humongous posts will be easier to read in my new layout, which will be more content focused. No frames, bigger text area ^^. *glomp*~
Well, to be fair, most Republican politicians aren’t really conservative anymore. I’ve had the same issue - I prefer the ‘old school’ democrats - because although they might take bribes or such, when it comes down to a truly moral issue they came down on the correct side of the fence. In short I prefer politicians in favor of freedom, and morality in the areas that the government should truly be involved.
As far as not teaching creation in schools - yes, that would logically be correct - but evolution shouldn’t be taught either, seeing how you can’t actually scientifically prove it. Then again, I’m sure a lot of speculation is taught in schools - so I think they should either teach both or none.
Homosexual marriages - fine, ONCE they can prove that it’s natural - otherwise it becomes a slippery slope if it was a purely mental proclivity. The only reason I feel that other people beyond the ones getting married have a choice here is because of the benefits conferred by marriage money wise - which means my money goes to pay for it - and I should really have a say about it then. If there was no monetary benefit then I wouldn’t feel I had the right, it wouldn’t affect me in any way.
Run Lola Run - it was an interesting movie - watching/discussing it with a varied age group made it even more interesting though. The older people found it sort of depressing/disturbing, the younger ones found it upbeat, etc. (by older I mean 30’s or 40’s maybe?). The conclusion we came to is that your view has to do with what type of relationships and responsibilities you have.
I must say… Though I read the part about the political stuff with great interest, I skipped the rest of the post… lol so this shouldn’t be much, but here we go:
Ack out of time.
Perhaps we can discuss some of this stuff tonight? I’ll IM you when I get back from work. That should give you a couple hours to organize your defenses :-)